ARRRGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!

ARRGGGGGGGGGG!!! I've just had enough tonight.

For some reason I'm really cranky and moody (is it a full moon?) tonight. I can't stand the sound of my son, K's, voice. His constant chatter about inane things. Usually I can fake it, pretend to be interested, or at least pretend to listen, but tonight I just can't. I don't think I've had enough time to myself, not enough 'me' time.

I'm used to having weekends myself, but now I'm working weekends so I get Mon and Tues to myself, but I can't really enjoy my days off because I still  have to be up early in the morning to get K off to school and I only have a set amount of time during the day, the hours he's at school, to do what I want/need to do. It just doesn't feel like enough time. I hate tidying up the house when he's around because the moment he comes home he messes it up again. I used to use Friday arvo/sat morning to do my cleaning, so at least it would stay clean for the weekend. Now I just have no motivation at all to do it.

A good friend, G, suggested that while I'm working (and have the extra cash) to get a cleaner to come in once a fortnight or something. I love this idea but I don't think I could stand it. A stranger in my house, cleaning it when I should have/be? I don't like people in my house when I'm not there, but if the cleaner was here while I was, I couldn't just stand around and do nothing while they worked. I'd feel doubly guilty about it. My Mum was quite O.C.D with cleaning as I was growing up, so that has left with my my own OCD issues, funny enough they don't translate to tidiny my own home. I love organisation, and anti-bacterial products but tidying up just seems like too much some times....well most times.

I think all I really need is a helping hand, someone to motivate/ help me. If K would help me we could get it done in record time and I wouldn't feel so alone and overwhelmed, but he'd fake his own death to get out of cleaning. He's SOOOO lazy, always has been. Trying to make him do something just results in him throwing a tantrum and causes more issues, and still nothing gets done.

I want to crawl into a ball and cry right now. I look around myself and see all the mess and just want to torch it all, or at the very least throw it all out.

I think I need to go lay in bed and have a nice cry.

At least I have dinner made, that's something. I put on a casserole in the slow cooker this morning as K went to school.

I need help, and I'm not sure who to ask for it.. Then there's the fact that I'd be mortified to let anyone in here to see all the mess in order to help me. I'm a total hypocrite, I know this. See, I never care if anyone else's house is a mess and I'd help them clean up at the drop of a hat. I'm known for doing dishes without permission or hanging out laundry if I notice the load is done. I have no problem forcing my help in others, yet don't think I could handle someone helping me. I'm not sure why that is, I know it's an issue I need to work on.....

When I have a problem I get into problem solving mode and it just depresses me when I can't find the help.

Procrastinating and Waiting

I've not been writing much of my book lately, to the disappointment of myself and many friends and family members who are obsessed with it.

I've been concentrating more on crafty things, I've been crocheting a lot more and l find that when I have other creative outlets I don't write as much.

I've also been reading a lot of books, well listening to them. I listen to audio books while I craft. Lately I've been getting into Sherrilyn Kenyon's Dark-Hunter series and have to say I'm LOVING THEM....though I do find that I begin to channel authors writing styles when I write if I don't leave a gap between reading books and writing mine. I've been told I'd make a good ghost writer. I don't mean to do it but it just happens. I'm also like that with accents. When my best friend Lauren and I speak on the phone (Lauren is in the UK) she tells me I end up speaking like her by the end of the conversation, and for days afterward I have people asking me how long I've been living in Australia! To which I answer 'All my life' and they look confused lol

I have been trying to MAKE myself write lately, which doesn't work well for me. Usually I have to wait until I get inspired, then the words just flow without my having to really consciously think about them. When I try to make myself, I usually have to read a few chapters of my book to get into the mind set again, then I usually get more stuck into editing rather than progressing the story.

I was thinking the other day, trying to work out how many hours I've spent on my book total up to this point and it would have to be at least 200 hours, that's the equivalent of over a week solid, writing 24/7, and I'm probably underestimating....though I do type fairly fast.

So, instead of writing lately I've been procrastinating. I've read that some authors treat writing as a job, they set hours and stick to them. I really wish that would work for me.
I still keep a notebook in my handbag for when I get ideas, but that happens so seldom these days it makes my heart ache lol.

I have been getting ideas for other story's which is frustrating me also, as I want to finish Open Secret first!

Alright, I think I'm off now to see if I can force myself to write.

Wish me luck! xoxox

Facebook disabling my friend's account = LOW ACT

My good friend, Nicole, woke up the other morning and found her facebook account had been disabled, this also meant her business page was not accessible. Being an at home mother, this business is something she has put a lot of effort into and relies on for entertainment and a little extra spending money.

At 4am, Thursday 27th May 2010, she received 4 emails about some of her photo's being reported by users as 'inappropriate or in some way offensive'. By 4:15am her account was disabled.

She wasn't even given an opportunity to appeal, or any warning that the account was to be disabled. She's working on the theory, at the moment, that a rival 'at home' business woman, whom Nicole has had some issue with as she appears to be copying Nicole's product, has reported her photo's out of spite - in order to get her kicked off facebook and be left the only person selling these items.

I think this policy of facebook's to disable first and ask questions later is extremely excluding. They are upsetting their clients for heaven's sake. What should happen is that a warning be sent, for whatever reason they are considering disabling your account, and you have 5 days to respond with action to fix the issue or make a good enough argument to suspend their action.

A zero tollerance policy doesn't work for a social networking site.

Nicole believes the photo's that were reported were of her children, in the shower together. Now I've seen these photo's, there were no 'bits' showing in any of them. Her son's naked bottom was showing in one but nothing more than that. I didn't find them offensive at all, it was siblings playing in the shower together, something I'd likely see if I were at her house myself at bath time. Her account is set so that only friends can view photo's, so these photo's are NOT being shown to the general public and, therefore, not accessible to any paedophile trawling the internet for pictures of naked/semi naked children.

I, myself, have friends on my facebook page who have photo's of themselves with their asses hanging out, wearing g-string bikini's, yet these images are classified as 'appropriate'? How does that make sense? An adult ass is going to be more widely sexually objectified than a child's naked rear end. Paedophiles are common place these days but are not as common as we all like to make out. I think it'd be something like 1 in 1000 people will have had inappropriate thoughts about a child in their life and only 1 in 100,000 will actually act on it. Where as I guarantee 1 in 3 people have inappropriate thoughts about my friend in the g-string bikini and 100% of those would act on those thoughts given the chance!

The fact is, children showering together is an innocent act, and my friend should not be punished for wanting to share this lovely event with her friends just because there are a small amount of sicko's out there that would objectify it  - yet she is.

Shame on you Facebook, SHAME!

Stay strong Nic, I love you!

Wow, I have wonderful friends....

I went to meet my friend Nicole at a shopping centre today, to have a coffee and for her to give me a birthday card as it's my birthday on Tuesday, the 6th.

When I arrived she gave me my card, in an envelope, and told her daughter, who was with her, that she expected me to scream.

This is my card's envelope

The Front of the card - Pretty frangipani's!:

What was inside my card.....

She and a few friends of mine had chipped in and paid $160 off my mobile so all I had to do was go and pay the $14.10 and get it off layby! Which is exactly what I did

So now I have my phone!!! 

I have to give a big Thank-you to Nicole & Shane, Nadia, Stacey, Tara and Lisa for chipping in to pay it off. I can't express just how much it meant to me to know you all chipped in. I didn't scream, but I was so shocked and moved when I saw that so much of it had been paid off I cried! They were happy tears, of course. It made me feel loved and that people really do care for me. I often have times where I feel as though I'm all alone, but from now, on when I feel that way, I'll remember today and know I'm loved and cared for.

Once again, Thank-you guys. ♥♥

Off to play with my new phone now....yay. hehehe

New phone after all....

I was at Big W today, buying more wool for my crocheting, and decided to take my mate Nicole's advice and layby myself a Nokia E63. They're on special for $199 at the moment so I paid $21.90 deposit and layby fee.

Now I've just got to find the cash to pay it off. With my car rego and service due soon, Kaleb's birthday and not to mention a bunch of activities that are going to weigh heavily on my purse strings, I've got no idea how I'm going to pay it off on time. I should get some money from my Step-Mother for my birthday, if the past few years can be anything to go by, and maybe from my Mum too - but she's not talking to me at the moment so I'm not holding my breath. If I do get birthday cash then I shouldn't have too much more to pay off it after that.

Will update on the progress, if there is any lol.

I'm going to buy a cover for it off ebay now, it's like $3, so I'm giving myself more incentive to get it off layby. No use having a Nokia E63 case if I don't have the phone to match right?!

Yay, My laptop finally arrived - but goodbye to a friend

Last year, back in June, I purchased a netbook laptop, it was an HP Mininote 1001TU

When I turned it on for the first time it didn't ask me to register windows or anything, which I thought was odd, but it was working so I let it be. I also noticed it was registered in someone else's name but there wasn't much I could do about that either, except change the account name. Which is what I did.

Seven months on, it started to play up. Freezing all the time and taking forever to load. No amount of De-fraging or disk cleanup fixed the problem so I went to do a system restore point and found one for as far back as May 2nd 2009. So that, to me, said it had been sold before, returned and repackaged then sold to me as a new product, which it clearly was not. I then located the warranty booklet and found the previous owner had written the registration details on the back of it. This was further proof to me that it  wasn't a new product when I bought it.

So I took it back to the retailer and asked for a refund, first checking with The Department of Fair Trading (DoFT), to make sure I was in the right asking for a refund, and I was, so off I went.

The manager on duty I spoke to was rude and unhelpful. Acted like it was my fault not his and refused to refund my money, said they could only send it off for a service after 'this length of time'. He really made me feel like I was scum and just looking to get a new laptop...when I was asking for a refund not a replacement.

Anyway I went away from the encounter,shaking, and called DoFT back and asked them what I could do now. They suggested I make a formal complaint, including all the evidence I had, which is what I did.

After 3 weeks and a bit of phone tag, I finally got the call that I could take my laptop back and get a refund!

With the money I got back I immediately purchased a replacement laptop from Dell, online. I also got a belkin wireless router and Wasabi printer, photo's below...

I'm stoked I've got it now! I love the colour, it turned out to be a much darker purple than I thought it would be which is great. Oh and I also got the little wireless mouse that's on top of the laptop in the photo.

It's been charging since 2pm so I can turn it on and play with it in just 2 more hours! YAY

Now comes the sadness. A friend has left to move interstate. I'm going to miss her and her gorgeous kids, especially Anisiia. I adore that kid of hers! I hope she finds a more stable life and good friends down there to help support her. I'll be visiting as soon as I can manage it and can't wait to meet her new baby later in the year!

xxxx Good Luck Nadia!

No new phone.

For whatever reason, probably my previous bankruptcy, I was declined the mobile.

Apparently I'll recieve a letter in the mail within 10-14 business days informing me as to why I was declined.

So helpful that is, NOT.

To make me even more depressed I got home to find that whilst I was wasting my time applying for a mobile I can't have, a courier tried to deliver my laptop 3 days early! So now, I don't have a new mobile to play with OR my new laptop.

Pissed off......

Really pissed off.

Seems this bankruptcy is going to hang over my head for the REST OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Plus, my doctor is no closer to finding out what is wrong with me. My blood tests are still WAY out of whack and she's not happy at all so I'm off to get a Chest CT now.

So in the past 8 months I'll have had :

4 MRI's

4 X rays

 and 2 CT scans

Not to count how many times I've been under the fluoroscope thing.
I'm surprised I'm not glowing in the dark.

I am starting to feel like a pin cushion though :(
Really not fun. Feeling quite sorry for myself at the moment and all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep.

PS I know there are people out there who have it a billion times worse than I do...but you know what? I'm not living their lives, I'm living mine, so my problems are HUGE to me and I won't be made to feel otherwise.

So fuck you all very much, keep you criticisms to yourselves! xxxx